I had the strangest dream and woke from it up many times. Everytime I went back to sleep, I fell back into this dream, right where I left it off. We were living together, in the basement of this huge apartment building in the city. Across from us was another apartment where two older men lived. Our bathroom had no door and neither did the apartment, our shower faced this other apartment.

A t.v. was on.

We were taking a shower. No.

I was taking a shower, you were taking a bath, we had a separate bathtub. You had gotten up in the tub, standing in a bubble bath, suds all over you. I got out of the shower to wipe away the soap on your skin.
Just then, one of the men from the apartment across was going out and stopped in to say ‘hello’. He looked at you naked and his eyes travelled the length of your body. He then said ‘goodbye’, and left.

I whisper in your ear, I just want you to be happy.

You were very quiet.

Somehow I was already dressed and I left.

I came back and the man from next door was in our apartment, with you, with his clothes on and your skin was still wet. He was hugging you from behind and your head was tilted back, your arm reaching back, fingers in his hair. All I could hear was your breathing, deep.

I didn’t say anything. I stood and breathed.

I closed my eyes and breathed again.

I opened them.

You were standing before me, close, smiling, refreshed, like nothing happened. You hugged me, chin up, eyes bright. Empty. I felt empty, not upset, not angry, not quiet, silent even in my breathing. Empty and tired and tired of being silent and empty.

I didn’t sleep afterwards.