our first night, i had confused myself
to the point where my dick couldn’t get hard,
like it was past warranty or i just came
in from a jog, shrunken and tight, bashful.
she said to me then: “..don’t confuse this with anyone else.
we’re the only two people in this room..”
because she knew it was turning into something
at such a speed that it looked blurry and i couldn’t recognize the details,
only the sound of it, and when i had tuned in
she was already leaving.
i had left it at that, a ‘nothing i can do’,
still loving the way she hung her smile
until, a week later, she had shown up at my door leaving
not herself but a thing, a thank you
for what i was burying amongst others.
she was convinced: i had a hang up and she didn’t
want to hurt anyone.
but a few weeks later in a bar, she was dancing and i had to say hello.
despite the honorable thing i did by turning my back on her right after,
she hugged me twice, like it meant something,
like it was easy for me to feel her body, slowly sticking her tongue in my mouth,
but she could tell i wanted her more often than that
and so, for her, that was the end of it.
…but here she was now, i’d bumped into her again, talking about how nice my lips were,
saying, “..i’m not bullshitting you, it’s what i’m really thinking. this is me,
this is mireya.”
(like it could start spinning again.)
so i kept my eye away from her by talking
to her friend because her friend more or less didn’t give a shit
and that’s what makes it easier to stand
on this side of every inch that she keeps between us.