Didn’t you say didn’t you say that I would or that you would that one of us would and I said right back to you that both of us would meaning that we were both doing it at the same time and it wasn’t just didn’t you just say that me or you and I said right back to you that it didn’t matter which of us because we both didn’t you just why didn’t you say what I said or least think it out loud because I wasn’t thinking about it when I had said it just kind of fell out of my mouth like words like didn’t you just say something to the effect that it was only me or only you and it wasn’t both of us’
And I’m supposed to like it didn’t make a difference like it could be turned around into not making a difference like I didn’t know there was a I’m supposed to turn it all around to before it would make a difference like it never happened to right back inside out and maybe flip it over you thought it was that simple like I’m supposed to just walk away you thought it was that simple to think I could just walk away with everything having been turned inside out and forget it I was supposed to turn it inside out turn my guts inside out like it never I was supposed to believe you were saying this shit to me like you were giving instructions like you had other people do this before turning my guts inside out like it didn’t make a difference to run it all around like it might have been easy for you like I’m not supposed to think that you did this all the time.
It couldn’t have it couldn’t have been that time when it couldn’t have been that time when we had said something about it and we had nothing else to it couldn’t have been that of all things it couldn’t have been that time when we had started talking about it and we just kind of lost steam with it and we were left with this big silence with the lake in the park in front of us it couldn’t have it could have been then when we were by it but not when we were sitting on the bench in front of it could have been later on when we left things like that it couldn’t have been when we had nothing to say after what we said, could it’
You asked if there was a difference between you and me other than the obvious when we made love and I said that I didn’t think there were any and you didn’t seem too happy with it and I kind of fell over myself and I tried to look for something else to say to at least move it from this point and I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong even though you said you were perfectly content with what I had said but I thought you didn’t think that and maybe that I shouldn’t have answered maybe you weren’t really asking me a question maybe all along you had wanted to say something on your own and I cut you off with something so promising and fanciful and silly and heart breaking that you were sad and you didn’t want to break my heart with what you really wanted to say of the differences between you and I and so you fell quiet and I fell over myself and sat across from the lake in the park in the silence and I finally thought quietly to myself not now too soon not this now so soon.