no no, this was MY time, I had his full attention
but now we’re walking. He’s no longer standing
in front of me, soaking me all in. He was finding me
so amazing, I had him right there on the rails
and the night was coming and it was so beautiful
and now we’re walking,
his mind’s all over the place, not just me anymore.
His eyes are on the street, the sidewalk, the people,
the stores, the cars, the signs, all over you, walking, listening,
somewhere else and everywhere. And you’re asking him,
over and over “what’s wrong?” and his smile is all so strange
and calm and so far removed and I wanted to slap you:
he was MY puzzle, I ran down the block to stop him
from leaving, from physically leaving and I saw it FIRST:
I first saw that he was gone. And I stood there rambling like an idiot,
the sound of my voice holding him like my hands never could,
I could touch him, he was THAT close, but I could not
touch him and talk, I could not bear the idea
of simply touching him,
something about the way he stood told me
I could, but it might break this, it might let him move
and I had wanted him so still, so earnestly still he was..
but now we’re walking and he’s left
even though he’s right beside us. He’s not here,
he’s too spread out, he’s everywhere and still he smiles
but it’s so much wider now: It’s not just for me anymore.