Monthly Archives: October 2007

general

culture shock

and my father says, as the little one shuffles and glides to the music of a children’s dvd,
you need to teach her our culture, lest it disappear
and what culture is that, i ask
expose her to our music, our history
i do that, i expose her
how, he asks, looking at her
you’re assuming that i don’t, she’s all of three, what are you expecting to see
you should encourage her, she might have a talent, like singing
i frowned, i’d rather she was a scientist
but she could end up on american idol
the conversation went haywire after that

frags

scrambling

scrambling like eggs across a hot black skillet, the sizzle of finding purchase, the flesh of bacon scorched, i grip the edge of some other new thing, bursting the yoke, somehow suddenly free, everything turns hard before burning, solidifies under extreme heat, turning over a new question, when to let go before your fingers turn to ash.

frags, internals

from hearing the roar, i’ve become it

from hearing the roar, i’ve become it. what cold, cold solace. to become what you’ve always feared, impervious, detached, even my skin betrays me. another tool, weapon, gift, like muscle and bone, cheap tissue and cardboard, serrated knife and short iron pipe, keyboard and screen. just another thing amongst others. even worse to watch others as a series of machinations, expressions of complex equations, ultimately solvable. all reduced to a matter of time, desire and persistence. even my daughter, my son, clockwork, steady but their course is circumscribed. not to say i get no pleasure from them, or any of it, but this clarity of vision that i had once been able to turn on and off as needed reveals constantly inner workings as ratchets and gears and springs that can be plucked and tuned and reset, just like that. everything as “just like that.”
look at me, same as i never was.

frags, internals

wired into my teeth

i race the highway into twilight, blow out windows, tires, crash barrels explode, careen off dividers, sparks light the cigarettes in my shirt, my chest smokes, butt of my last wired into my teeth, let me tell you a story: once when i was young i drove mad just like this on christmas eve and late into the night, the reasons why are for another time, but on a turn like this at eighty, it all welled up and said, “enough” and i let go, i let go of my life, i let go of the steering wheel, and the car went straight as an arrow from right to left, from the slow lane to the passing lane, and the head lights were so bright, the concrete so clear, i could see where one segment met the next on the bend, the rust of the pivot, i was going to be right there, but it all shut down and said, “ENOUGH” and i could not feel my hands and yet there they were, jerking the wheel the other way, skidding rough across the shoulder, the bumper catching a piece of the divider, my shoulder slamming off the window, horns blaring or me screaming, and i whip the car back steady and somehow get off the highway and come to a complete stop until it finally gets quiet enough to breathe again.

frags

muzzle

“Take us under, now” -The Frames, “Dream Awake”
we force limbs into our words, packed, bulging and something spirals out
twine wrapped between clenched teeth, unravels a distance from the tongue
and desire, hung out and tied tight behind the skull, a muzzle
to curb the instinct of chewing through our own hands

frags

nothing more truer now

nothing more truer now,
our breathing’s done, his dying’s done, your lying’s done, her crying’s done.
nothing more truer now,
your hope is done, her fear is done, our faith is done, his pain is done.
nothing more truer now,
her season’s done, our night is done, his hour is done, your moment is done.
nothing more truer now,
he is done, you are done, she is done, we are done.