Monthly Archives: October 2007

done

incalculable puzzle

i thought it a puzzle, a question of arrangement and perspective
but then i took scissors to the pieces to make them fit
the edges were further maligned and displaced
and when forcing them proved an incalculable equation
i took to thread and needle, stitching my eyes open
eyebrows raised and puzzled that my hand no longer shook
licking each crevice with a severed tongue

frags, internals

locking in place

the grizzled man stood up slowly, as if testing the bones before locking the hips in place. “boy, it’s over now. time to start again.”
“what if,” the younger man sat, legs bent close to his chest, arms resting on his knees, “what if i can’t. what if i don’t know how.”
“heh,” the grizzled man dug out paper from one shirt pocket, tobacco from another, “you know how.” he rolled the paper between callused fingers, wet the edge with deft severity. “you’ve always known how to begin things.”
the younger man closed his eyes and shuddered in the sun.

internals

return to dreaming

how to go back to the dream, dreaming, as if it never happened, no wounds to heal, no mountain to climb, no bare feet cut along the rocks, no fingernails cracked desperate, where i was this rock, this point of arrival, this steady pace of the sun, a sure gravity of place, instead of this alien shifting sand, this thing i do not recognize in the mirror, this stain, i touch the glass and i feel nothing, i touch myself and i feel nothing, i touch her and all i feel is pain, i touch my children and i feel the skin of a heart that should still be beating, i touch the walls and i feel the regret of no longer belonging to any of it.

frags

there’s a place where everything goes

there’s a place for sadness, the sharp exhale through dry lips
& a place for happiness, the gap between the heart and the ribs
there’s a place for wounds, the bleeding along opened skin
& a place for scars, the ridge of mangled flesh having healed
there’s a place for rage, the tearing of bark from a tree in winter
& a place for anger, the demand for splinters stuck in a fist
there’s a place for desire, the heat of fingers held tight
& there’s a place for forgiveness, the trail of a stained tear
there’s a place for remembering, the floor of a windowless room
& there’s a place for forgetting, the edges of teeth being broken

frags, internals

fragile but strong

as all newborns, something fragile, his limbs skitter, every movement as if stretching endlessly, muscle-stutter, his fingers grip imaginary angels by their feathertips, his mouth yawns, his head wobbles from side to side, looking-feeling, out of hunger, out of comfort-yearning, swaddled in new clothes, alien material this cotton, nothing like the womb, the freefall and cushion of warm liquid, but he has yet to cry out, we don’t let him, hovering over the playpen, the bassinet, the crib, like guardian giants tending to a lost lamb.

frags, internals

overwhelmed

bringing one child into the world is dangerous enough
how to pass the navigational skills you’ve acquired
to recognize the sign posts of disaster and the edges of cliffs
and keep secret from them the disappointments you’ve collected
but two, to bring another, after you already feel that you’ve failed
as if by stacking the burden you can somehow break the tension
of another life you cannot hold gently in your hands

frags, internals

breathache

and i’d like to be believe that the ache in my breath is from all these cigarettes
not something i’ve passed to my daughter or son
the spinning of something out of nothing and seeing ghosts in the wind
where the sun collapses over the pressure of bloating
some festering that has always been my own
not a wound but pus that demands rupture exactly
the prying open of skin that does not know how to heal
the cessation of a street when it turns on a bend
as if sorrow traveled exclusively in the blood
pitching stakes in ground yet unclaimed