and when i say ‘no,’ she says ‘yes,’ and when i say ‘yes,’ she suddenly says ‘no,’ and when i put my arm around her she says ‘you’re disappearing again,’ and i say ‘leave me,’ and she says ‘don’t you dare, you come back here right this second,’ and when i breathe she says ‘you’ve ruined my mascara,’ and kisses me hard on the mouth until her gums bleed and when i say ‘i taste his laughter,’ she says ‘but you’ve already left me,’ and when i say ‘i’m here but i’m lost,’ she says ‘can’t you see me?’ and i say ‘i can barely even hear you through all this shouting,’ and then she says ‘i’m already gone,’ and i can’t say nothing at all