a sense of normalcy, a return, nothing i ever was, some new thing that is quite old. i am not who i was years ago, i am not the sulking thing who awoke from nightmares to catch his breath. some new terrible thing that is no longer resigned. some new terrible thing that knows that all kindness is a choice, that all hate is a choice. the favorite things, the loved things, breathing. constant, over and again. a power there, the only true one, once forgotten. some new monstrous thing, not quite as powerless as i thought i once was.