in the trenches, the knuckle-shift, the weight-bearing, the having-it-all: I came out of all of it unscathed, disgusting, a blather of a person. revealed as I always was, sham, shame. strive for redemption, the empty belly, the pining for hunger, crouched over. wait for it, the sudden pummel, the avalanche karma, the break down, the breakthrough, the leaving of all this pain behind. never arrive, only waiting. leave it at that.