the sanest moments, the one where i posses the most clarity are the one where i am utterly alone: there is no you, there are no children, there is no self hate. i am alone with the house, the darkness, the sounds of cicada, the air cool, the streets quiet. i do not look within because there is nothing to see, nothing there, no remorse, no sense of impending doom, no weight of disappointment. i am not a failure as a husband, not an incompetent father, not a recalcitrant son. i am not a sorry excuse for a human being. i am isolated and whole and at peace.