we had, at one time, thought better of this, better of us. we believed, or rather i did. i was quite sporty back then, renewed and filled with i don’t know how to explain it: purpose, love, passion, life? or was i free, finally free? but freedom breaks, it becomes tethered, it wraps a noose, we are free to choose, but when the choices are made, freedom is lost. in the hopes of building my way out of despair, i dug a deeper whole. he says this to me and i find it utter nonsense. he says this to me and i crack, he cracks, the mirror bends. i reach out to him and see myself reach further away. everything i told you was lies, he whispers, there is no life for you here. you are the lack, you are the despair, you are the nothingmeat, you are the nothingmeat, the nothingmeat. now go away, go. go. go into the twilight, go into the dark, the dusk of this life, the ruins you so crave. leave us in tatters, leave us shattered. make us into your own image godking, break us all.