what i write is never what i read only a broken influence, a misinterpretation, a misrepresentations of events. she scarred me. she healed me. i sat languorously on the edge and watched it all happen. or rather, i did everything and they watched me from the sidelines with bated breath, hands to their chests, clasped in the hopes i might turn in their direction. but al i saw was the field and a never ending sprint that i could not finished. she sighed. she mocked. i tripped. i stumbled. on my knees i let go of everything and found i had it all.
Monthly Archives: February 2009
the zoo
what did we do yesterday?
went to the zoo.
what did we see?
an orangutan eat penguin. a child kick a peacock. a mother nurse a lamb.
what did we see?
you have lived
in my youth i would look at pictures, i would weep for the child i had been, i would stare and my gaze would become muddled and burred, from despair i would beg “what happened to you?”
and i was reminded again of it, but this time, this time the child had answer, i begged him again the question “what happened to you?”
and he replied, “you lived.”
simple and true, i am nothing without the distance, i have seen, i have loved, i have despaired, i have danced, i have written, i have gone, i have betrayed, i have been betrayed, i have been loved, i have been abandoned, and all of it precious, all this accumulation, all these markers on a very long journey.
i’d rather have traveled the world than to remain.
in peace
“If you can’t stand in place, you can’t tell who’s walking away”
-death cab for cutie, “pity and fear”
Redolent, dressed in blood red, beautiful skin fresh and pale, the cut of her smile and eyes eager. No one would think, no one would believe I had it in me to garnish such beauty, that I would be this lucky. That somehow in almost breaking her we would come out the other side into the very peace I thought I had leave everything to find.
we crack, we break
we crack, we break, into dawn, she’s asleep, painful and dread, the slippage yawns before our feet, slippery, she slips, i fall, ahead and tumbling, there would be scars and i would welcome them, i would tend to them, a garden of retribution, all at her heel, gentle, gentle, stained glass ground deep into the palms of my hands.
obama: the real deal?
So the prez is fielding questions from this audience in fort meyers florida and he’s going “boy girl boy girl” (his words) and after answering issues like energy and finance he picks out this woman who says “we need help right now, the waiting list is too long, we need a place to stay, please help us…” And obama, obama steps down and goes right to her, asks her name, hugs her, calls one of his staff over, and tells her, “me and my staff will see what we can do.”
Holy shit, is he the real deal?
selling the rafters
‘We are selling the rafters!’
This boar of an idea
Flash of anger but dry of spittle
Restless nights that give way
To cracked iced days.
‘We’ll have none of it!’ she said
Crimson mouthed and tawdry
Scarred elbows on her knees,
‘Or we’ll steal it all!’
And I dreamt and I wept
And found myself sticky in her gaze
The way the spider looks at a fly.
it feels like it's over
It feels like it’s over, the harhness, the darkness, the bitter cold of a particularly brutal winter. I sit outside and catch the faint smell of spring, of renewal. She has renewed us, and yet I find myself asking, have you truly forgiven yourself? Are you ready to say goodbye to these ghosts of your failures? He says to me, does it ever occur to you to say, this is good enough? That you have are enough?
snow fuck
Snow brilliance, eyes blind, like her smile in the middle of the night when I fuck her, that kind of abandonment and glee, that freedom to surpass everything, to be everything, to be all-at-once, to be present and never-near, the expulsion of desire, that settling of place: the branches grow heavy, not a burden exactly, but the bending of will, a stretching of the soul.