in the course of conversation yesterday, the sudden realization:
“we are, at best, impersonating ourselves”

annoyed with it. in the same vein. to continue some trope of agony and malaise. you did start this after all. but to abandon, to squander. to bounce back and convex. or is that to concave? to somehow demonstrate a new resolve, a new beginning. atrocious. impossible. boring.
instead instead what? this? this is nonsense. a means to an end. to get to the end of it. to say, we did this at least today. we wrote something. this isn’t writing. nothing is happening here. move on. same again, beginning again, only to end up in the same place. well worn map.
in the same vein, little to remark. birthdays and conundrums. complaints and feasts. well rested and yet new pains appear. not quite there yet. no new destination. only tracing the edges of what was once thought a treasure map. no longer seeking gold or lush riverbeds. just escape to some other territory.