dear michael,
there was a time I would hold you gently, cradle you in my arms, talk to you in baby talk
there was a time I would hold your hand and we’d walk around and around the blocks, talking
there was a time I would hold you tightly, trying to calm you down, to let you know, I am here
there was a time I wouldn’t hold you at all, I just didn’t have the time, it was too late or I was too tired
there was a time I wanted to hold you, but I didn’t know how to ask, you were too far away or too angry
all these times, rattling in my head, every time I look at you
all these times, and with each glance you change
all these times, you cannot keep still enough
all these times, like flashes of sunlight
like a friend smiling across a room
like a lost ring suddenly found
like a promise lost
and out of nowhere you stumble into the room
and embrace me suddenly, warmly, completely
as if you were me telling me instead
“I am here, I am not angry, I havent changed at all”
Love,
daddy
2021.10.03