It hits you all of a sudden after its planted its feet squarely in the back of your mind. You can’t say you didn’t see it coming because it was seething all along. Lying in wait. And you’re filled with regret, you miss them terribly. You miss them when they were two, when they were four, when you read to her and she didn’t understand the words or the pictures but she knew her father loved them. When you used to hold his tiny hand and you walked around the block and thought of important things to say that he would never remember. You push the thoughts away because right here right now you’re trying to sort out the back half of this life and it’s impossible. Because all of it is lost, the things you could’ve done more, the moment you turned away from them too quickly, the comfort you could’ve given. And although he’s turning into a better man than you ever were, although she’s more than you ever dreamt of, you miss them. Suddenly, deeply, harshly, just before passing out from the exhaustion of another day.