how i long for the quiet, to be without a voice, to be here without being seen, without wanting to be seen, to be devoid of desire, to be voiceless, thoughtless, to only be the movement and the seeing and the hearing, to move through the world and have it wash over me, through me, as if i was the wind and leave no mark in it. to no longer hurt, or think about the hurt, or the hurt i’ve let left on everyone. i am tired of being the disappointment, i am tired of being disappointed, i am tried of feeling i’ve said too much, i’ve said too little, i should’ve said something, i should’ve said nothing at all. after this long road i’ve arrived at a place i never intended. i didn’t want to be this way. i just wanted to be near you, i wanted to watch you all. i wanted to hold you and laugh with you and cry with you. but instead this noise, this act, this spewing of bullshit that traps me into a configuration. into artifice.

i just want the quiet. i just want to be quiet.