we move through time blind and at an impossible pace. weren’t we young once? i do not feel older, do you? i feel burdened, i feel exhausted, but not old.
Didn’t we walk for miles in Paris? Didn’t we run out of money in London? Didn’t we look for houses that we couldn’t afford? Didn’t we have our friends over for scary movies? Didn’t you get a master’s degree? Didn’t we stay up all night the first week with the baby? Didn’t we bid on a house without any money to put down on it? Didn’t we eventually buy a house just before a blizzard?
Didn’t you make me happy? Didn’t I disappoint you?
How can we stop this? How can we stop time and live it all again and over, frame by frame, moment by moment? Watch her mutter for the first time, see him crawl all over again, watch you sleep by a hotel window, make love to you for the first time.
I want it all over again. I want the beginning right through the very end. I want to watch it all happen again and edit out the mistakes, linger on the moments we’ve surely forgotten but make us what we are. I want to remember our first kiss, I want to savor the last. I want you, forever and ever, until it all becomes a rosy blur smashed into an eternal sun.