i have built this tremendous thing, it is awe inspiring, it takes up all this room. more importantly, lives depend on it. so many lives wrapped and entwined. i study the foundation. she says to me, you’ll have ruined my life. i take a step back but do not know how to admire it any longer. it presses on me. but i do not know if the fault is with my sight, the time of day i’ve decided to regard it, or the structure as a whole. what i do know is that i can never rebuild such a thing again: it’s taken me far too long.