really having a hard time with the grip this morning, i feel the edge of claws, i feel my sternum yawning, i have to keep moving, i need to keep moving, i can’t let my mind stay still, work and work and tv and noise and the shaking of the head.
let me be rid of this, please let me go, let it go, accept it, accept it, grow old gracefully you bastard.
and i am having the damnest time as fuck, the worst it has ever been, wide awake and clawing, wide awake and almost right there, right in the waking hours that have always been safe, nothing is safe, i thought the waking hours at least were safe, the busy time was safe, but even this is eroding, even this has begun to wear away.
i can’t even bare to look at my face anymore.
is it because my youth has left me, is finally leavng me, right there at the door, hand on the knob, ready to abandon me, and it reminds me with one foot across the threshold, you were never cool, you were never one of the cool kids?