start again, get right into it, start this conversation because, frankly it’s too lonely otherwise.
as tiring as this is, as it can be, full of boredom and the mundane.
the big news is mz is pregnant again. we’re 5 months int it now, a boy, and although the maternal serum test and the AFP came back negative, the doctors saw something in the baby’s heart. an echogenic foci in the lefdt ventricle. and while by itself it is not enough cause to warrant an amniocentisis (a 1 in 1500 chance at this point of there being a genetic abnormality), we’re doing it anyway for the piece of mind.
and i’s too much even writing this, as if, as if, as if. as if any of it doesn’t get lost in the translation. as if by recording the course of events i can somehow change them. as if it mattered. on and on.
she’s more beautiful than ever my wife is. in a short span of 3 years our daughter has gone from blind crying baby, to pouring imaginary coffee and toasting our cups with a resonding “cheers!”
and all of it matters because of the living of it and the writing cannot bear any of it.