i see you with ioanna and i am filled with a kind of sadness. i wish you were my father from the very beginning. i wish you had held me in the hospital when i was born and i wish it was you that brushed my first set of tears out of my crying eyes. i wish that it was you who had a hard time changing my diapers and it was you who laughed when i ran around the house naked. that taught me how to ride a bicycle. how to kick a ball. how to use a hammer. how to fix things. i wished that i was young again and it was you from the very start. i wish it was you from the very start and you could have fixed me before i became broken. i see you with our daughter and there’s a little smile on my face as i think “how lucky she is to know her grandfather from the very beginning.”