i am a monster. i want it all, no matter the cost. i want the fury and the peace, i want the love and the hate. i want the clarity of utter self-destruction and the banality of suburban boredom. i want to be domesticated and out of control. i want to love and to beat out of anyone any love they have for me. i want the appearance of civility while digging a knife into my thigh. i want to thrash about the room and toss everything asunder. i want everything spotless, immaculate and in its place. i want nothing to change but i cannot continue with the way things are. i want a violent end, i want a slow beginning. i am monster who wants no bounds.