(excuse this)
so long for me
to write,
“next time,
…a poem
or something.”
down
again
happier than i have
ever been
in darkness
with nothing
to reach out
but trying
to swallow me
down beneath the surface
this blanket
that covers
many places
left (or right)
to hide
from this
blunt.
i’m a little nervous
for the same reasons
you were pregnant
with an early grave.
i don’t seem to drown
from this beer
no matter how hard i try
the icy definitions
like i wished it upon myself
someone living
in my body
i can describe it to you
but it’s indescribable
pain.
i realize the short time passed
was rather long. “i promise,”
but that’s what we do.
you are here
by no choice
you have to be
as much as you hate
yourself
& the choices
they offer you
make your own
out of those
that are not
their principles
they don’t care
beyond the reflection
of this hell
of your own
meanings
camus says,
“increase your freedom”
we know we can
believe in no one.
and (to) think
my eyes
are closed
but have been open
reflecting sounds
(as) if they were
real
there are no real meanings
so it is useless
it whispers
in my ear,
“not much longer now”
i’m feeling pretty
within moments
you’ll see it
as a lie.
we live
by lying.
each day
we lie
by “we live
by lying.”
we can bring
our own lives
into nothing
or meaning.
you just have to say,
“fuck them”