you wait for most of your life to say that one thing, the one thing that you have lived your life to say; to put it into words, to say it as you write it, to free it, to be free of it. those words will come to you through other words, by the saying and listening and writing of words that have nothing and everything to do with what you have longed to say, since the first words came to you, into your life, into the world, that before, you had no words for.
and it is not the waiting that breaks you, it is the attempt to find the very words that will break the wait, the need, the silence of what has to be said; that the series of attempts you will make, are merely attempts, and nothing close, or even in the same room, of which you long to break out of: words that you haven’t gotten a hold of, to speak of that one thing. at least once.
if only you could speak of its silence, what would the words matter? if only the room in which the silence of all that it is, was distant enough as to not be said, or written, as a room that you can not, at the present moment, come even close to, in the attempts that you will make of your life, of that thing that refuses to be silent within you.
but there are words. never quite the right words, or word, it will not be clear until you speak or write that one thing onto the page, will you realize which words that one thing consisted of. to have said what you have struggled with words to say for so long, finally. waiting for that one time: to speak or write of that one thing that has driven you to speak and write for much of your life, of the one thing that you have failed, in attempting, to speak of.
at least once to all you can speak of it, to no longer fiddle with the accuracies of it, to bring forth that one thing with the very words that it had eluded, because of the inaccurate arrangement of the words before the words that trapped it, and freed you from it. for at least one moment, to say as you write that which you’ve needed to say, that which demanded to speak, within you, from you, of you speaking at last.