She asks about drinking strategically, and that’s what concerns me more than anything else. Her first party a couple of years ago, ages ago, I had advised her. I had said, I know it’s inevitable, follow these rules: don’t take any drink offer to you, don’t leave your drink unattended, don’t hesitate to call.

Simple. But she never drank. she tried it and didn’t like it and avoided it, basing her reluctance on science and brain development and the goals of her life. but now, she is contemplating it. she says, I’m going off to college, it’s not realistic that I won’t have a drink. I want to try it at this party that is coming up. What are your thoughts.

And I sat with her. I asked her what her goals were, what was she expecting. And she said she wanted to be prepared. It was strategic. It’s a fact-finding mission. To know who she was and how to be and adjust accordingly given this type of situation. She’s always prepared. So I told her my story. I told her how I had my first drink at 13, 14, gin that made me vomit because I drank it like water. How, even now, I drink like it’s water and I am a man in the desert.

I warned her: you have a genetic propensity to like it too much, my biological father was an alcoholic. That I considered myself an alcoholic and avoid it as much as possible. I told her, your grandfather was a mean drunk. That I was a happy drunk. That I liked myself when I was drunk. That I loved everyone when I was drunk. That I got most of drinking out of the way before I even turned 21.

I then got up and grabbed a fruity “hard” lemonade from the fridge. Set it before her. Let’s find out what type of drunk you are. Let’s see.

And, of course, she wouldn’t. this wasn’t the point, she said.