my love,

it is so difficult to explain, this life

on the one hand, there is worry and stress and planning and juggling and conflict and disappointment and noise and hardship and grind

on the other, on the other there is tenderness, laughter, kindness, consolation, quiet, music, excitement, confidence, trust, understanding and love. above all else, the safety of love, the comfort of love, the warmth of love

i’ve said it hundreds of times: this is not the life I was supposed to live. it was not supposed to be this, bountiful, this full. there wasn’t supposed to be this many people in it. there wasn’t supposed to be anyone in it at all

even I wasn’t supposed to be in it

but then there was you. and you made me real. you made me present. you made me responsible for myself and my life and my living. you made it worth living. you made me worth living

i don’t know how you do it, i don’t know how you, everyday, on any given day, make it delightful. that’s the right word for it

you bring, after everything else, you bring delight

delight, of the light. yes, yes indeed. you are of the light

you are the light in every breath I take and i can’t stop breathing you in