i race the highway into twilight, blow out windows, tires, crash barrels explode, careen off dividers, sparks light the cigarettes in my shirt, my chest smokes, butt of my last wired into my teeth, let me tell you a story: once when i was young i drove mad just like this on christmas eve and late into the night, the reasons why are for another time, but on a turn like this at eighty, it all welled up and said, “enough” and i let go, i let go of my life, i let go of the steering wheel, and the car went straight as an arrow from right to left, from the slow lane to the passing lane, and the head lights were so bright, the concrete so clear, i could see where one segment met the next on the bend, the rust of the pivot, i was going to be right there, but it all shut down and said, “ENOUGH” and i could not feel my hands and yet there they were, jerking the wheel the other way, skidding rough across the shoulder, the bumper catching a piece of the divider, my shoulder slamming off the window, horns blaring or me screaming, and i whip the car back steady and somehow get off the highway and come to a complete stop until it finally gets quiet enough to breathe again.