fistfuls of sleep hammer me into the sheets, i turn into the chill of morning, no blanket can warm me, no body to hold this tired skin, my face feels swollen, i am obese and it is all beyond measure, there are no increments designed for this, this sense of helplessness, of resignation, my son cries and i hold him close to me, curl around him, put this slab of meat i call a body to some good use.