and the madness of babies and children lies in their relentlessness, they need you, and only you, and no matter how inadequate you truly are, how worthless and inept, they need you because you are there, and will always be there, always been that pin point where every mark begins, where every other word will echo throughout their lives, it all begins with their needing of you and what you do with it, how you respond to it, how much you give into it, and in the surges and pitfalls of your frustration and despair, you will make them into what they will be one day and i bite my lip when my son cries with abandon because he is hungry yet again and i bite my tongue when my daughter asks for something other than what i’ve made her and i sneak off every chance i get to take a drag and the moments are fewer and fewer but then the boy smiles at me once i come in and it’s like the sun and my daughter runs into me and hugs me tightly like summer and i want all this need to keep going, i want all this need to wipe me out, i want this need to erase me so that they can grow into something beautiful in the void i leave.