near hysterical poker dreaming forcing the hand instead of just living it because i knew if i just let go i knew if i let the random into play because i love the random i would lose it all i would be disappointed and broken and broke and i wanted a win more than anything else i wanted to come out on top to wipe out all this debt behind me so i thought and i thought and never let my mind stray from the particular hand of three hand poker even though i was waking even though i had already looked at the clock a thousand times this morning i kept going back to it and wouldn’t let the deck beat me but by the time everyone saw the hand i had and knew i got it in pretty good i couldn’t sleep anymore and the dream was done and i was awake and the hand was gone.