‘I loved her a great deal. I don’t think she ever knew.’ He tells you this even though I was the one who had asked the question. But i’m always the one that asks the questions, it’s a force habit, cutting you off. You never really get a chance to get a word in, do you? I guess it doesn’t really bother you the way it doesn’t bother me that he’s looking at you when he answers my questions. Wait, there he goes again. He’s about to say something else. He’s looking at you as he puts out the cigarette. His mouth looks all tired, lines in every direction around it, like ripples in a pool.
‘She meant the world to me and i’d make jokes,’ and he looks at your fingers, do they remind him of hers’ He looks back up at your eyes, ‘What else could I do? What would you have done if you were me?’
I grab your arm because I don’t want you to answer that. It’s not for you to answer. He thinks you’re her, you’re not, remember that. I know it’s unfair but we’re, i’m the one asking the questions here. We came here to get answers. He’s left us with some many blanks to fill in, wouldn’t even give us the letters. Remember that. He burned them all up to keep us in suspense.
He lights another cigarette, and for a moment he looks like he could have been my father. I wouldn’t know but just the way he holds his head at a tilt to light it, like he was examining the flame, or the way that the tiny flame catches his face. That sudden, barest of shadows around the edges of it. You almost understand why she fell in love in with him, don’t you?
But then he coughs all out of proportion and something green and black tries to make it’s way to the corner of his mouth. He catches it before we can see it for what it is. They say he’s dying. You know how that goes though.
‘I didn’t have an easy life. I barely had a life at all. Always hiding in the corners as it were, hated the sun.’ He looks to the corner where the teapot is. It’s empty because we wouldn’t have any. He took it out and made such a big fuss about it, using the step ladder to get to it above the stove, but we said no anyway no matter how pathetic it looked. It was too hot for tea. Even if he put ice in it, it would have melt, just doesn’t taste the same then. No matter how polite I know you can be. We just sat down and tried not to make a big deal out of it. Just get some answers and get going. Since we were around he might as well answer us.
‘Until her, then i’d always look at it. That’s why i’m practically blind you see?’ He smiles as he rubs the lit end of the cigarette in the ashtray, pushing old twisted butts against the glass. ‘I only wanted to look at her all night, they way she’d hold her arm under her chin.’
All posts by manny@savo.us
futility
of course there was a difference
between how you had done it
and how you felt
about it, it was only a matter of time
when it would present itself
as a security issue
a farce of circumstances
your eyes pinned on the face
of whom there was no other
no reconciliation from what you had
and this face
in the end
you could only feel something
pressed to the back of your neck
a dull thing, a pipe
that was warm from use
and you had prayed
that this time it would be different
but how could you have known
that all this time
you were fighting
something you could never see
with your eyes.
expanse
i
hold
you
in
& simply
the weight
the volume
the pressure
against
my bones
my skin
somehow
i
feel
less.
kidnap
“It’s simple, you got it?”
“We go in and just take her..”
“Yeah, yeah, but we got the guns out before we go in-”
“Like gangbusters..”
“Yeah, yeah, and then? What do we do then?”
“I let you do all the talking.”
“Good…good.”
“And I look for the girl-”
“No, no, no, YOU don’t ‘look for the girl’. THEY look for the girl..”
“Oh, because you told them to, that’s why you’re talking.”
“Riiight….okay, okay. Well then, you ready?”
“That’s the house right?”
“No! It’s the next one on the left.”
“So I ring the bell and then just bust in..”
“Right, right.”
“Okay, I think I got it..”
“Wait!”
“What?”
“Don’t forget the gun..”
“Oh..okay. Thanks…”
“Well? What are you waiting for..?”
“Aren’t you coming too?”
“Yeah, yeah, I gotta park the car first..”
“Why are you going to park the car?”
“I can’t leave running it in the middle of the street, right? Someone might steal it..”
“Oh…”
“So go on, I’ll be just a sec. You won’t even miss me. By the time you hit that door, I’ll already have them getting the girl. Now go.”
“Okay…Wait!”
“WHAT?”
“Don’t lock the keys in. I mean, it always happens to me…”
“No prob. Thanks.”
contemplation
A: I have no idea how we got started on this.
B: it?s easy, the president?s been shot and we have to do something about it
A: like what the fuck are we supposed to do?
B: well, catch the killer of course.
A: no, that?s just fucking ridiculous, how do you suppose we do that?
B: we look in the phone book for ?Recently wanted people.? I?m sure he?d be the top of the list.
A: wait a minute, why do you suppose it?s a ?he? and not a ?she??
B: well, it?s neither he or she, it?s just an idea.
A: what?
B: the dead president. wouldn?t it be nice?
A: if it made a difference to us folk out here on the street, maybe.
B: sure it would, we need a good assassination, I mean look at Israel, they just got one. we need to stir things up in this country.
A: oh god, are you going to on social reforms again?
B: no, I don?t think so. I left my dissertation at home.
A: you actually started one?
B: well my marriage was boring me silly so I had to find something to rub my testicles on.
A: you?re just like Jerry it?s unreal.
B: I AM Jerry.
A: oh. that?s right. have you considered this?
B: now that?s a ridiculous question, I haven?t got any shoes on. how could you ask me a question like that?
irene
little girl irene,
all lost and alone
how long has your heart
been lookin’ for a home?
little girl irene,
so small and abused
did any of the guys know
that they were being used?
little girl irene,
your eyes so bright
what do you look at
starin’ straight into the night?
little girl irene,
smilin’ and laughin’ outside
do tears fall
in the places where you hide?
little girl irene,
heart all broken in two
you should’ve known all along
the person your searchin’ for is you.
pyre
to be here and ever
how quantifiable such a thing:
I am here, I am not here.
it all appears so random
an event
of ink on paper and m o
vi
n g
it, sometimes, in to the plural,
an assortment of motions.
to write them into a proper
space
and to leave it alone
and watch the words
burn.
break
to break
just that
is terrifying:
to break the clean
silence
of this (monster)
or any
page
and
to have
said
(what?)
something
that says it all.
division
lips adjoined by line
that
divides one from
the other. originally
the division serves
the separates as to retain
each own self by the space
that one occupies and distances
the other, who is doing the same. however
as gentle as a smile transfixed and posed by
its eyes
the division
of space, the space itself
whole and divides, twofold,
slowly. until one can bring across
so as to bring one across
one of flesh singular,
but for the thin dark division
which maintains two into
the space of one. two surrender
one to another, making not one
but two inclining to be one,
neither owned, solely, by its own
flesh by running parallel and
similar to the division of itself
and another. two lines becoming
one, but two remaining sepa
rate, consistently for the imposition
of the flesh of one on one.
close enough for the breath
of one and another’s in each other
of their respective wholes.
counterparts
as opposed to ends but neither
ending
their divisions, sealing
into the unsightable form
of one’s singularity of two
separates perpendicular, or parts
of, waiting to be concealed,
not breaking the division, but one
entering the other, one in one
simultaneously,
the moistness of which one
solely posses two of for another to be
received wholly, leaving whole enough,
two
admiring their separate distinctions.
no secret
but the consistency of
the (re)arrangement to bend
the line of division of
one
and
one.
childhood
so much
in
such times
for
such times
had
so much.