it’s all about forgetting: avoiding to forget, struggling to forget: days zip by and suddenly i am here, where was i? where were you? how did we get here? how did you end up over there? and although you never left my sight you’ve gone and come back, you visit and flutter away, you leave me, over and over, only to return, shockingly different, wonderful and just that much more stranger than we had begun.
Category Archives: words
to meet you again
make a mission of it: curiosity killing cats, avoid boredom at all costs: but do not thrill seek, do not squander: do not mock those weaker than you, do not be sucked into wormholes, literal and figurative: this life, this life is a wonderful ecosystem always on the brink of flying apart because of its internal volition: feed on chaos, make order out of it: always remember: you’re the stuff of stars but there’s four hundred billion suns waiting to meet you again.
with you, of you, for you
with you, of you, for you, for me, from me, from the you in me to the me in you. round and round it goes little ones, this is how it works: words churn, turn, squirm: always look for the right one, learn to live with the wrong one, and somehow in the middle of it all: live, breathe, look, listen, go and come back.
doubleback
there is no doubling back, only doubling down:
a larger wager for greater stakes with thinner margins
of error, for error, fraught with error
the mistake is the wager, the mistake is walking into this casino
when you could be on that boardwalk, engulfed in sea spray
wishing lemons into limes, cherries with laughter,
one perfect crystal moment for all the madness inside you
with you in mind
turning over you in mind with sunlight,
night past, the worst of it somewhere else, the beginning
here, in your hands, tiny fingers, grasping, reaching
out, cupped in my outrageous largeness, here little ones
something new, something along the lines of, along the cracks
“my old man used to say…”
time, you fucking animal
a i see them all wither away like stop motion photography, the setting of the gray, the wilting of skin, the time lapse of bones into dust.
i see this and see this and cannot run away, my precious loves, my mother, my father, my wife, my children, my skin, my eyes, my life, gone, slow-fast, in an instant, an eternal forever, just like that.
time, you fucking animal, why cant you leave us alone.
a return of yahweh
at some point to return, in lilacs, in dust, in tumbleweeds and tufts of matted fur. how about that, how about lice and lace and mesh and barbed wire and the tongues of children caught on the pointy bits like we were all massacred before someone could care. or perhaps past caring, perhaps we had deserved it all: towers set aflame by the wild desire of middle eastern boys promised haughty virgins and a seat at the right hand of allah, of god, of jehovah, of yahweh.
yes, yes, a return to all that; and your children sleep and dream and whisper if there are tooth fairies even in greece.
you run me in circles
kick my teeth in with your love, your rambunctious living, your laughter, your tears. little girl, little boy, you strike me into nothingness, into meat. i am pale and stricken before you: you run me in circles. i believe in you and fear your future. you are everything i could’ve been and never can be
kindle, at that
the worst of it all is you now live for others, no longer for yourself: all you could’ve have done, all you could’ve amounted to, is done, in the past, wistful and soon forgotten. there is nothing more for you: you’re merely kindle at this point, for your children’s fire.
if at that.
panic abounds, and makes marbles of you.
did you ever think it would get easier? panic abounds. gritted teeth and an excuse to wrestle the pillow. too hot, too cold, too soft, not hard enough, not dead enough, too much alive, too fearful to let go, and time slips, time presses on, time abuses you, time mocks me, molasses the days but lightening quick nights. she will leave you one day. he will look at you with disgust. she will find no way to console you and tire of it herself.
panic abounds, panic abounds, and makes marbles of you.