sometimes i become so enraged over nothing but i can’t stand to remain dumbfounded: these kids were in a car, with two on the outside, one with a camera while the other was running up to each door and banging on it. i came out and yelled at them and it didn’t matter to the two on the outside, the girl was actually laughing, but one of the kids in the car started apologizing, saying that it was “for school.” after about five minutes, i jumped in the car and went prowling for them, doing some stupid maneuvers (like making a left turn from the right most lane) when i thought i saw another car with a kid holding a camera out the window. i don’t know what i had in mind, most likely to grab the camera and smash it. stupid, stupid, i know, i know.
Category Archives: words
after all the rest
my daughter picks dandelions and makes wishes while i sleep a deep slumber very much like death. the head clouds, my son babbles and razzes and gives off a tiny growl. annoyed, my love bares barbed wire that snares and catches us all. one moment after all others, all i want is one singularity after all the rest.
love thorn
the breaking apart, the fracture, it becomes so easy. the rust, the chewing of it, bleeding gums, tin man, oily residue, the kind of grit that makes the breaks squeal. you squeal. on a spit. over a spit. here we were wondering. and it all came down to thorns, oh how you loved the thorns.
obsessed
why do my obsessions always run so deep, so prolonged
i become someone else, utterly and totally, tunnel vision
without care or caring, without self, without ground
getting off anger
perhaps getting off your anger is like getting off on it
you simmer and stew and the world is a brick
you want to hurl
and instead it smashes you, grinds you
until almost all hope is gone, almost all reason is gone
almost, almost
but the spit is yours, the blood is yours, all this feeling is yours
and you stand up, you breathe
and you are home again
you do not miss me
thinking this, wound up, unthinking, unfeeling, the bridge across, the gap divide. she says, you do not miss me and i tell her i am on the other side of this very long bridge and i long for you, i long to be near you but i do not know how to cross it.
cooperating with entropy
you cannot bound chaos, you cannot fight chaos.
you must cooperate with entropy -Don Byrd, Abstraction
you cannot fight chaos, you are chaos, the dance, the misstep
the gloss smeared across her lips, the snap of your knee
rhythm of pain made for two, gleeful cacophony
like mad seagulls looking for the sea
flotsam
the ups and downs of this of this thing in my head an ebb and flow of a relentless ride and jam the flotsam and jetsam I am at its beck and call broken over and over again only to find myself reassembled on the shore.
he says to me, wiping the sea salt from my eyes, as sure as you’ll drown you’re bound to come up for air again.
jags where everything is just terrible
you get into jags where everything is just terrible, or you are. something or nothing, the lack of aggression congregates you into puddles of obsession where the muck and mire cloud your judgment and skewer your confidence. why are other days better than this? play like you mean it or don’t play at all. the hesitation is costly, from both within and without. not everyone is tricky even if some are. either way you can back out of everything. just settle down and be calm. think before acting, think before the click. muck and mire all this, again and again, as it never was.
the condition
the unnatural condition of lying in wait for petals the softest skin the firm kiss of a lover’s broken lips set in the foreheads of children riding on trains that lead to chocolate happiness and mountains upon mountains of eagerness and pulse.