everywhere i go, i honestly have no idea what i am doing there.
and there’s this thing
and there’s this thing between us, and even though i put it there i cannot seem to get rid of it but you want to ignore it and i can’t ignore it because i can’t seem to move it out of the way, out of my line of vision and i think every time you look at me it’s all that you see, this sorry state of a person, this weakling, this pathetic piece of shit, and i want to tell you i love you and i want to tell you i love you but all i hear is vomit coming out of my mouth, i hear myself saying instead, i’ve got all this vomit in my mouth, and i feel that’s all i am to the world these days, all this vomit in front of you, all this vomit you cannot stand.
life’s blood, saved blood, blood from the womb
http://www.lifelinecryogenics.com/
http://www.cordblood.com/
http://www.viacord.com/
and every one of them has a picture of a goddamn kid on their front page.
here’s the skinny. the woman gives birth. while they wipe the kid down, the doctor goes back in. the placenta is delivered. parts of the umbilical cord are harvested. parts of it goes into a plastic bag. said bag goes to a place where they grow it. then they store it. you pay a yearly fee to keep it around. stem cells. just in case. in case one of your other kids develops bone marrow cancer or leukemia or anything else that’s sure to kill them. they just go back to the harvest. ninety percent match between siblings. shit, sixty percent match to the parents. it’s a potential cure-all that costs only pennies a day.
nevermind whether or not you can afford the procedure that would actually take those cells and make something useful out of them. these people are just a bank. what you do with the cells is your business, your problem, your responsibility. nevermind that they use pictures of happy and healthy children as if, when you store those stem cells with us, we can guarantee your child’s happiness, your child’s future, your child’s very life.
what’s even sicker is that health insurance doesn’t cover any of this. you can bang on our dime until your heart stops, but you cannot ensure any part of your kid’s future.
greece is burning
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/28/world/europe/28greece.html
http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/08/28/2016953.htm?section=world
http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_5270000/newsid_5275200/5275284.stm
and the conspiracy theorists say it’s terrorists with a political agenda since elections are coming. and the environmentalists say it’s global warming that has caused all these droughts. and the people say it’s mismanagement on the part of the prime minister. and the ex-pats say it’s because they are using the army to fight fires and they’re nothing but kids too stupid for college. and the news says a woman tried to flee her village but the fire cut off the road. the news said she and a dozen other people rush into the olive groves instead. the news said they found her remains, arms wrapped around her four children, amongst the charred olive limbs.
revel, revile
there are times i do not know if i should revel in my inhumanity or if i should revile it.
and even worse, sometimes, i just feel nothing at all.
she says
she says to him,
you live in the past, you live like you have no future
i’ve had better guys than this, i’ve had better dates
i don’t understand your drug problem, i don’t understand why you need to fix
i’m everything you need right here, right here in front of you
it isn’t me you should quit.
and he says to her,
i thought i saw something in you but my hands are too brutal
i’m a roller coaster gone all wrong, i’m a shotgun in the mouth
the closer i get to you, the more nothing is ever enough
everything i need this needle for, comes from straight between my hips
i am the lie i need to quit.
scramble
And sometimes it feels like breaking, like I’m scrambling
for pieces and they are all the wrong one, I don’t know
how to make them fit, I don’t know how to make myself
fit into you anymore and I want to, I so want
to, I’ve lost so much, I’ve already lost the pieces
that should matter, does it even still
matter that i lost you
city sibling rivalry
The city during the day is just barely orchestrated chaos. Millions of people hustling into a million directions. I’ve always had a fondness for the west side, particularly around mid-town: it always seems a little unsure of itself, constantly under construction, always trying to catch up with its sibling, the more polished and well established east side.
Sibling rivalry amongst canyons of buildings.
italians and midwesterners in nyc
What truly knocks my socks off is the people. From everywhere. Italians and midwesterners dressed to the nines, dressed like tourists, dressed for the summer, all out here, being engulfed, caressed, being buoyed about, with their cameras, bustling up against the natives, awash in the traffic and buildings and proof of life that the city reveals over and over again.
Without the people the city’s just one lump of historical landmarks ridden with asbestos
it doens’t matter what
it doesn’t matter what or how you put it down, only that you
put
it
down
put it to rest, keep it restless, keep the fingers moving, in and out of here, in and out of the page, the screen
whatever this is
it doesn’t matter, the act matters, the fact of the act
the who you be when you’re no longer me